If that's what Heaven's made of...

So, a lot happened this past weekend.

I've realized how amazing birth is. I know that sounds wierd but just feeling little Charlize kick the sides of Andrea's stomach was such an amazing thing. It's amazing how God does that, and how God can make that happen and how all of us can be a witness to it.

I found out just this morning that Sunday morning one of my aunts (technically my great aunt) in oklahoma passed away. She didn't have any kind of disease, she just died of old age. It was just her time. And, truthfully, we're all happy she doesn't have to suffer anymore.
Or does she?

I know when someone dies we always like to say "well they knew God at least they're going to heaven." I never really got into those types of conversations with this particular aunt only because there was always something else to talk about. I truthfully can't say if I know where she is at this moment. I know she went to church every once and a while and I know she may have accepted Christ in her heart, but I don't know what all that meant to her.

I pray she's in heaven. I pray that God would somehow give me a peace about it.

Anyway, I loved her. She was the first person I've been close to thats passed away. My uncle Tommy was the only person in the room, holding her hand when she died. She was in hospice.

My dad (possibly my whole family) and I were going to fly up there because I wanted to play guitar/sing at her funeral, but unfortunately the funeral is tomorrow morning and we just didn't have enough time. We assumed the funeral would be Thursday.

It amazes me how God gives, and God takes away. So quickly.

And I've experience a form of both this weekend.

--Lauren.

"Don't cry a tear
for my now, baby.There comes a time
we all must say good bye.
And if that's what Heaven's made of
I'm not afraid to die."

A tribute to my Aunt: http://www.ultimatetributes.com/tributes/intro.asp?ID=1484

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I just started reading Praise Habit by David Crowder.

I've only read Part 1 and 2 of the introduction. Phenomenal nonetheless.

Here's an excert (he had just described the intricate moments of his morning):

Where were the God moments? Where was Living Praise? Did praise happen? Could praise happen? What if it did? Were opporunities missed? Was praise just beneath the surface? Could it be a flood? Maybe it's just dammed? Maybe if the dam burst we would drown in it. Do we dare pick up a sledgehammer and start swinging? It could be difficult. It could wear at you. This could be hard labor. I don't know if I have the back for it. And I think I like my water in smaller doses. I like the sound of the drip. But there is cracking in my lips and they bleed when I smile. My hands are dry to the touch. So dry I can't feel you anymore. Pick it up? It is needed? It is what is necessary? I want to drown. I want a different air than what I've been breathing. I will swing. I will swing with all my might. I will swing until there is the sound of breaking. I will swing.

Oh how true are your words, David.
Much appreciated for those who often don't know how to say that exact thing.

--Lauren.

For those who read this and not Livejournal. cough Leslie cough.

since shes the only one who reads this


So..
I love when God interrupts everything you've planned.

And I love when what he interrupts you with is perfect and so opposite of what you had in mind.

Like tonight.

I'm going to victory weekend.

I love Amanda Grounds.

It's like in Bible Study tonight we were talking about how when you give your life to God, He has every right to come in and change, rearrange, and interrupt everything that you've planned.

You're not your own anymore anyway, right?

I've been reading the Bible non-stop lately. Here's some of what I've discovered:

Oh, that You would rend the heavens,
and that You would come down...
Since before time began
no one has ever imagined,
no ear heard, no eye seen, a God like You
who works for those who wait on Him...
Still, God, You are our Father.
We're the clay You're our potter:
all of us are what You made us to be...
--Excerts from Isaiah 64 NIV/MSG

AND

...I summon you by name,
and bestow on you a title of honor...
I am the Lord, and there is no other;
apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you...
It is I who made the earth
and created mankind upon it.
My own hands stretched out the heavens...
Turn to me and be saved all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, there is no other...
My mouth has uttered in all integrity
a word that will not be revoked...
In the Lord God alone
are righteousness and strength.
--Excerts from Isaiah 45 NIV

--Lauren

"Holy Holy Holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing
praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything
and I will adore You."

Why can't we be friends..

Things are crazy.

I'm glad I can post on here knowing only like three people will read it. I dunno why that makes me happy...I guess because all of my other online journals are way too public, so what I post about is limited, and I don't keep a personal journal because I always forget to write in it. Internet will rule the world one day. It's off to a great start.

I've been wondering a lot lately why being a friend to someone can be so difficult. It's one of the coolest things you can do, and it only benefits you and the other person...most of the time. I've realized you get to a point in friendships where you realize it is an actual relationship that requires time, effort, and commitment. I never knew friendships were like that, I guess.

I've also come to a conclusion you'll never be able to survive with one good friend. One good friend has done so much for me and been such a good thing, but I've gotten to a point where I can't confine myself and totally give all of my time to one person. The reason is, is because you learn different things from different people, and people have different personalities. Not too mention it's good to be cultural, I guess. You can never totally devote yourself to someone who is so opposite from you, and has totally different aspiriations (although the same ultimate goal). Although this particular person is one of the best things thats happened to me, it's cool hanging out with people who are a lot like you and love what you love and want to do what you want to do.

Things are crazy, and I've met some very amazing people over the course of the last month, and I would hate to lose those friendships because I'm "already commited to one."

"By yourself you're unprotected
with friends you can face the worst."
--Ecclesiastes 4:12a Message Bible.

--Lauren.

Analytical Parallels.

"Give me a place to stand and I'll move the earth." --Archimedes.

In history class, we've been learning about the most famous philosophers. You know, the typical Socrates, Aristotle, Plato, Sophocles, Eratosthenes, Archimedes, etc. etc. Well, the other day we were talking about Archimedes (well, they were talking. I was half asleep, but I did hear this particular part of the discussion). Archimedes, for those who don't know, invented the lever. He always said show him where to stand and he'd move the earth (with his lever). Being the analytical person I am, the first thing I noticed was the parallel to Christianity, and my life. If I had to think of my one huge dream for my life, it's to change the world through worship. I feel like lately all I really want to pray is, "God show me where to go and I'll move the earth." I just want to see the world changed. In all honesty, it's not so much I have to be the one to change the world, but just seeing it changed through worship is amazing, but I do want to be used by God in that way.

Relating to the subject:: On the way to church tonight we were listening to an old Steven Curtis Chapman song. In this song Chapman talks about how he, "..made a list of all the ways You could best use me. Told all my strengths and my abilities.." But, then he continues on to say why is it so important how we're used of God. Meaning, who cares how God uses you if He chooses to use you (which is humbling in and of itself). We all have our strengths, we all have the ways we think we'll be used, but it's not up to us. God will choose how to use each of us, and it will fit perfectly with what we're each individually designed and created to do. In the second verse of that song Chapman says, "I want to do your will no matter what it is." This makes me sometimes question if the way I will make an impact is even through music at all. I know that's what God wants me to do, but maybe I'll do something that doesn't have anything to do with music and it will make an impact.

It just goes to show you how unlimited our abilities are when we give them to God.

--me.

Waiting To Be Found

This is a song I wrote for those who've gone missing due to the recent Katrina tragedys. Statistics (as of September 1st) reported 20,000 missing.

The song's called "Waiting To Be Found"

{1st Verse}
Beautiful eyes,
wide with her smile,
but not today.
Everything's different now.
Overnight it changed somehow
it's not like yesterday.
Daddy used to wake her up,
just to see her smile.
But now she wakes up alone
and calls her daddys name a while.
And she says..

{1st Chorus}
You are missing
and I am missing you.
Now I'm stuck here in this house alone.
Daddy, please come find me.

{2nd Verse}
Trapped all alone now.
No one in sight,
to dry her eyes.
She yells with her tiny voice,
"someone come and help"
But today, it's just one of many yells.
Then someone shows,
screaming for survivors.
And she says, "Here I am,
did you bring my daddy with you?"
and she says..

{2nd Chorus}
He is missing,
and I am missing him.
I've been stuck here in this house alone,
waiting for daddy to find me.

{3rd verse}
They took her away
from everything she's known.
Everything she once called home.
They took her to a place,
with thousands of faces,
but none of the one she loved.
She crys herself to sleep
and sees daddy again in her dreams.
And she whispers

{3rd Chorus}
You're still missing
and I am missing you.
I'm stuck here in this place alone
Daddy, please come find me.

{Bridge}
Most of us will never know
how it feels to feel that alone.
But rest assured God is looking for
His people to restore
their brokenness.
And God says..

{4th Chorus}
They've been missing,
and I've been missing them.
They think they're stuck in the world alone,
but I'm Daddy, help them find me.

{ending}
Beautiful eyes
wide with her smile
but not today.

**comments please.

--me.

Vocab words & Chemistry questions.

This year came unexpectedly. I don't think any of us (sophmores) expected quite the amount of work thats given. I could be wrong, but I think I speak for many when saying the work load is much.

The books though, now those are amazing. First we read Great Gatsby. I thought that book was phenomenal. So phenomenal in fact that last weekend I got another Fitzgerald book--This Side of Paradise. This book is amazing.

I also procured Jane Eyre, and it too is a very good book. I haven't gotten into it as much as I have This Side of Paradise, but I'm sure I will in time.

I read a ton in fifth and sixth grade...I guess in middle school/freshman year I felt too busy or something, but now that I'm reading good books and/or books that I enjoy it's very relaxing. A good way of reposing after school.

Chemistry is terrible.

If you have yet to notice, I love the vocabulary words. I like to sound educated lol.

Sorry this wasn't of much substance...I'm exhausted.

--Me.